September 12th, 2006
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Basic ideas:
- Seeing that good and bad, or pleasure and pain are in all things.
- We can use pain to promote change.
- Ultimately, we can get off the treadmill of pain and pleasure.
Our desire to avoid pain and experience pleasure tends to push us around if we are not paying attention. When we use introspection to learn about the mind we see that we all try to avoid pain and move toward pleasure in everything we do. This is a huge thing to understand fully.
Pain tells us something is wrong, but we tend to overreact and begin to avoid all pain and discomfort. This creates a treadmill of pain and pleasure. Where we are constantly trying to manage our states of mind by moving away from pain and toward pleasure.
We can deal with this three ways:
- Do nothing.
- How does this hurt us? Well, if we’re unconscious of it we end up not being very durable. We end up running from any and all pain we see. We might think we deserve no pain, and so whenever it comes up, we feel like we’re cursed or unlucky.
- Secondly we can learn to use pain effectively.
- Think of someone who’s life situation is fine, versus someone who is in pain. The person in pain is motivated to change. The person who is fine, may want to change, but will often not go through the bother or work to change because there is really no motivation to do so. This is the first way to use pain effectively. Become aware of it.
- We can also use pain for gain. This is a way to develop in a worldly sense. It can help us do things like lose weight, or perform better at sports, and evolve spiritually or behaviorally. We can learn to associate pain to things we’d like to change, rather than where they happen to fall. Examples of this might be associating pain with being out of shape, or associating pain to not meditating.
- Lastly, we can get off the treadmill of pain and pleasure.
- Pain is inherent in all things. The duality of being shows us that there is both good and bad in all things. Good and bad are facets or opinions of things and situations. So it is unwise to try to always get the “good.” It just won’t work. Seeing this truth is a huge teaching.
- Learning to accept pain as a part of the experience is a great teaching of meditation. Pain/pleasure treadmill response is the normal human response to being. What would an exceptional response look like? How can we achieve that state? Meditation is one way.
- We place ourselves in an accepting mode, and train that response to stimuli. Boredom and frustration, and even physical pain can come up during meditation. It is training to learn about the nature of our relationship to pain and pleasure, and ultimately have the ability to get off that treadmill.
- We learn to stay through different painful events and not judge them. That lack of judging gives us a different, and better, experience of both pain and pleasure. Then we are off the treadmill.
Learning about this allows us to wake up to the understanding that this is how we’re built. We also learn that we can use pain to grow. And lastly, we learn that not fearing pain or being attached to pleasure allows us a deep freedom. Those experiences are a part of the oneness of being. We can learn to relate to them differently.
September 4th, 2006
It would help us greatly if we decided to look at others for our similarities instead of for our differences. It is very natural to see someone of different color, or ideas, and focus only on the differences. In this show I discuss some examples of how we focus on the differences, and how things might be different if we were to realize how alike we all really are.
When we come from a place of looking first at differences, we tend to assume that everything about the person is different. If we can realize that we are basically similar, and that the differences are in the details and perspectives, then we would have much less conflict in our lives.
The ways in which we are all similar:
- emotions
- physical traits
- needs
- behaviors
- we all want to prosper
- etc.
Focusing on differences is very natural. Similarities seem boring. Of course we all breathe. Of course we all feel fear. Not very exciting stuff. But coming into a situation with that literally on our mind helps us to see things in a cooperative way instead of a conflicting way.
What if nations focused on similarities? What if religions did? How might that change our world?
Show Music: A Lesson In Crime by Tokyo Police Club
July 31st, 2006
In this talk I want to discuss what might be our biggest challenge. To find a state of stillness, and remain productive in the world. How do we accomplish, while remaining present.
Why are most of us unable to hold on to stillness? Many of us can find stillness, but why isn’t it easier to just stay there? This talk assumes that you know what I mean when I say stillness. Some call it big mind, or a state of presence.
I did a talk before called Stillness in Motion. While this talk is similar, it will differ in the level we’re talking about. Stillness in motion was a talk about the feeling of holding stillness while we do things.
I’ve heard Ken Wilber say things like you can’t be in a non-dual state and in a state of duality at the same time. I’d be interested to speak with him about that because I have a deep sense of being still, or in a non-dual state while still seeing and being aware of, and able to function in the world full of duality.
This talk will discuss, and point out that we definitely still have the desire to accomplish and do things. We may drop the attachment to that desire, but we still discern.
At the base of our being is a function of judgement. This judgement leads to most of our discomfort. It puts us on the treadmill of time. Judgement says this situation isn’t as I would like it to be, so let’s change it. It leads to inner becoming. I’m not enough, etc. Many spiritual teachings seem to imply that this is a bad thing. But it’s important that we don’t vilify this idea. We need this function to survive. It’s the same impulse that tells us we’re in danger. It also allows for us to better the world.
We don’t lose the ability to judge when we’re still. I usually begin to describe this judgement as “discerning” to show that there is a difference. It isn’t a lost, deeply judgemental, place that we come from, but we can tell what our preference would be. We do chose to walk, and eat, and talk, etc.
Many stereotypical representations of meditation imply that the meditator is unable to discern when in a deep meditative state. That’s just not accurate. I mentioned before the Burning Monk, who had gasoline (or some flammable liquid) poured over him and lit. Then there was a picture taken of him not moving. While his experience of that might have been different than yours or mine, he still was aware that he was burning. The amazing thing is not some otherworldly state of mind he found, but rather the choice to stay. The discipline to stay.
The trick is going to be to learn to remain still while we judge and think. Can we remain aware while we judge? We need to learn to watch our judgements. The subtle distinction is this: A frustrated meditator learns about a pleasurable state of mind and then catches themselves thinking and discredits all the stillness they achieved. Whereas, a centered meditator finds himself or herself in a thinking state and watches it, thereby remaining centered.
In this world, we have things to accomplish. There is work to be done. In every moment we look at the world and have opinions about how it could be better, things we need, things we want to have, or do, or give. None of that is wrong. It’s really important that we allow for that. There is such a thing as growth. There is betterment.
So is stillness in conflict with betterment? Doesn’t stillness imply that we’re done? While it is an appreciative state, we can be aware of movement, and the need for change while holding on to stillness. Stillness is a state of awareness. One that is realized and awake to the truth of a situation. If there is betterment to be done, do it, but try to remain aware.
Our innate ability and need to create and judge is what’s impairing our ability to remain still. And that’s a wonderful thing. The work we’re here to do is to marry the two. We’re here to blend the duality. We can engage in both experiences, and do our best to remain aware of where we are and what we’re doing.
Referenced: Ken Wilber, and Burning Monk
July 16th, 2006
We’re going to discuss what addiction is, and then talk about how we can come to terms with it and what can we do to stop it. To do this, I’ll talk about addiction, in broad terms. Then we’ll do a quick exercise that might help you find what your addictions are. This could be considered an addiction "workshop", albeit a very short one. Then we’re going to discuss the different quality of being that allows for better choices. That state of mind, one of presence, can help us end addiction.
What is addiction? Addiction lives on the pleasure pain level of being. So there will be lots of references to good and bad in this podcast. What are the different addictions? Drugs and drinking and smoking, of course, but also watching TV, shopping, eating sugary foods, and working out. Some of these are obviously better for you than others. Some are manageable, and some aren’t. Ultimately, addiction can end up really ruining a person, but it’s ugliness doesn’t have to wait for that extreme. All forms of addiction stem from a choice in attention.
I talk about the unhappiness that becomes so big that we end up choosing to drink or drug because we can’t face the pain. The problem with this is that the problems grow. We’re Pavlovian, and want to move toward pleasure. So it is a slippery slope to not become addicted on some level. It’s important to watch how we manage our lives.
What happens when we’re addicted? While responsibilities are piling up, they become completely unmanageable. We need the courage to face that, and it’s very hard to do. We usually aren’t motivated enough unless there is enough pain.
How do we stop addiction? What is the different quality of being that allows for change? I mention the conscious use of pain, and also the use of being awake. Those two things will allow us to quit our addictions.
Pain is the reason we change or stop. It may seem odd that pain may also be the reason we started. That makes sense when we realize that in the beginning, the thing that makes us feel good hadn’t become painful yet. So how painful is your addiction? Can we make our pain unacceptable before it truly becomes unbearable? That would be like getting free from addiction early.
So here’s how to stop. You must go into the feeling of the addiction. When you are faced with that moment of choice, which you’ve just become aware of, how do you make a different choice? You feel into the feeling of conflict. You breathe into it. In that moment you give yourself enough space to make a different decision. If you choose poorly, just gather data and don’t beat yourself up. Becoming aware allows us to see the moments. Those moments, when we see them, we have the power to get free. We can’t face all our problems at once, we need to face them one at a time. So this is a constant vigil. This conflict and the needed attention to it will soften over time.
In conclusion, we need to realize the pain addiction is causing us, and that needs to become greater than the pleasure it gives us.
July 5th, 2006
We create pressure in our lives unconsciously that can end up making us very unhappy. Some of these pressures are deeper and some are more superficial. One person creates a "have to" situation with accomplishments he/she wants to create at work. Someone else on a daily basis sets up to-do after to-do and then feels bad for what they didn’t accomplish rather than good about what they did accomplish. Jobs can be self created pressure. So can houses, cars, and salaries.
We often aren’t able to appreciate our success once it comes, because it tends to move. I’ve been with successful people and watched them accomplish goals, and rather than enjoy the accomplishment, they immediately and unconsciously create new goals.
So what pressure are you creating? This talk points out that we can spend time working on, or watching, what pressures we create for ourselves. The exercise we could do would be to learn to find your self created limits, or pressures. Once you see what yours are, you may choose to soften them, or you may not. It’s nice to learn that you can lose your job You can move. Your life could be different. The other side of that is the fact that a conscious goal is a powerful one. We can choose to work harder for our pressures if we really want to hold onto them.
External pressure is often actually created by us, and thus is internal pressure. Watch when pressure is created in your life and see if it’s really external pressure. An interesting point is how unconscious these things become. We sit and think "Of course I have to do these things…" It’s good to realize that we can live in the smaller house. We can drive a cheaper car. The kids can go to public school. But they also may not have to. Becoming aware of our pressures allows us to support them or put them down as necessary. It’s up to us.
